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2020 in one clip
Dear Corona Virus.
You don’t know us, but we know you. Because of course everyone knows you—worldwide. Unfortunately. We could totally throw together a really slick Insta campaign for you, shoot some excellent photos, and create the perfect content strategy to flip your shitty image, but you don’t need that, because a) as mentioned, everyone already knows you, and b) not even we could pull off that kind of spin. Because: nobody likes you. Literally no one.
Over the past months, and still now, tons of high-performers-coaches-entrepreneurs-smart-asses have been trying to find something positive in you and your so-called “skills,” like this moon calendar harmony echoing through the world: Slowing down is good, focus on what matters, nature is healing, nothing will ever be the same, crisis as opportunity, and so on and so cliché. And sure, we love nature. We’re really out there a lot, and very often. But you are the way you are, and there’s absolutely not a single positive fact about you. Not one.
We’ve got lots of friends and clients we share a close, casual, and trusting relationship with. We love to socialize. Grab a coffee across the street at Tatti, or hang out on our rooftop terrace till late with beers and gin tonics. None of that really works right now, thanks to you. Honestly, wobbly Zoom meetings with Nokia 6210 sound quality are just absolute crap. And by the way: no one can take seeing yet another Zoom meeting screenshot in an Insta story for the 1000th time.
Because what we recommend and develop for our clients has real punch. Even in times like these, which—unconsciously—we’ve always been training for. The drawbridge to the stationary Hochburg was raised, and we kept spreading digital stuff for our clients (who suddenly ask for way more digital stuff), because we really don’t care where we work from—see, for example, our Mallorca office trip last year. Our full crew moved into a finca in Palma to work. Not like the first test tourists in summer 2020, who then complained on site that no bars were open and everything was boring anyway, without a Sangria bucket as vaccine.
Flashback 2019
No: We came to create. Even though we currently find everything absolutely dreadful, like everyone else don’t have the big solution to slam on the table, can’t rub any crystal ball either, and there’s just one big question mark hanging over you, your endurance and impact—and that’s just what reality looks like: There’s no crying in the Hochburg. So listen up, even if you don’t care anyway: You won’t get us. We’ve been around longer.
One of the biggest marketing coups of the past years was probably transforming good old disgusting horrible oat slime into trendy healthy porridge. Thanks, Insta bowls and Lightroom presets. But you’ll just stay disgusting, slimy and horribly awful. You can do whatever you want—nothing helps against you. Except distance and disinfectant.
Stay away from us.